greenhouse

Let me be clear. This post is literally an invitation for you to see what and where i am on the journey. Kind of like an opportunity to see my thoughts. I'm sharing as accountability and because someone out there needs to see that they are not alone. I'm sharing my journey in this particular way this time because if plants and produce can grow successfully in a greenhouse (transparent) under cold and less optimal weather condition then surely this transparency can work toward my good too.

Because my journey often feels cyclical and on a spectrum at the same time it's easier to list the thoughts vs. to word them in paragraph format.

1. Today (4/8/2019) i am more aware of God's purpose on my life than i was last year.

2. In the last 5 years I've lost 75lbs and gained about 35lbs back

3. Part of my journey during the last 5 years included medication prescribed by my physician. And i think that medication helped me lose most of that weight.

4. I sense a strong connection to be fit physically, spiritually, and academically as I serve God

5. I don't always ask God to help me be faithful to losing weight. Sometimes i get prideful and think i can handle it on my own

6. I want to successfully lose weight with or without others doing it with me

7. I notice a need for community. People supporting and challenging each other to be our best healthy selves

8. I come from an extended family that has experienced food insecurity

9. Living with food insecurity (lack of consistent sufficient income to provide fresh produce) contributes to my succumbing to my cravings for junk foods

10. I recognize that using what i have is enough to be victorious

11. It's hard to beat cravings alone, but with God i can

12. I have a decent idea of how to do this but don't consistently follow through

13. What if I'm addicted to food? In an effort to be more specific what if i chase the feeling that comes with eating fries, fried food, breads, chocolate, cookies, cakes, ice cream, sodas...

14. I watched my grandmom battle with her body and she has shared her fair share of commentary about her displeasure with my own body

15. This is an ongoing conversion to be fit in all areas of my life

16. I want to build a physical community where others who struggle like me can share, support, and challenge each other as we be the life together!

17. I and you can do hard things!

18. I have good days filled with great choices and i have good days filled with poor choices

19. Part of God's mission in my life is that I continue to wrestle with this issue - it always brings me back to God.

20. We can grow healthy!