we can't breathe. again.

i don't have all the words right now. i'm just trying to catch my breath. but this morning as i reflect and talk to my sister and listen to my sons play video games and get ready for a therapy appointment and watch this candle burn and smell my essential oils diffusing in the background the only thing that comes to mind is two things.

1. somewhere in my journey i lost my fire. my fire to go off. my fire to hold white supremacy accountable. i do it but not with the same burning in my chest. but the murder of George Floyd is blowing air back on that spark and i see it catching again.

2. a prayer for us right now and tomorrow (see below).

GOD, WE ARE STANDING, SITTING, KNEELING, LAYING PROSTRATE TRYING TO FIND THE WORDS TO SHARE WITH YOU ABOUT THE PAIN, FRUSTRATION, AND DEPTH OF EMOTIONS THAT WE FEEL AS A RESULT OF THE IMPACT OF RACISM AND OPPRESSION IN OUR COUNTRY.

GOD YOU SAID THAT IF WE COME TO YOU WITH OUR BURDEN WE WILL FIND REST. WELL, LORD, THE BURDEN IS ACTUALLY TOO HEAVY TO CARRY IT TO YOU - MEET US HALFWAY - IN FACT WE WILL STAY RIGHT HERE AND TRUST THAT YOU WILL COME TO FIND US AND LIFT THESE BRICKS FOR US. WE CAN’T TAKE SEEING OUR LOVED ONES MURDERED, TERRORIZED, DEHUMANIZED, AND DISMISSED IN BROAD DAYLIGHT SIMPLY BECAUSE THEIR SKIN WAS A PROBLEM. WE CAN’T CONTINUE TO CARRY THE WEIGHT OF THESE WEAPONS THAT SATAN CONTINUES TO FORM AGAINST ALL OF US.

GOD HELP YOUNG PEOPLE TO PROCESS WHAT THEY ARE SEEING! GOD HELP YOUNG PEOPLE TO STRATEGIZE AND MAKE PLANS TO RIGHT THE WRONGS OF INJUSTICE. GOD KEEP WAKING US UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO GIVE US HOPE AND PLANS AND DREAMS AND WORDS TO EXPRESS AND A NEW SONG IN OUR HEARTS. GOD HELP US TO HEAR YOU. GOD HELP US TO HEAR YOU.

GOD, WE NEED A RIGHT NOW VINDICATION. GOD, WE NEED A MOMENT TO CATCH OUR BREATH. GOD, WE NEED A SYSTEM THAT PROTECTS AND SERVES ALL NO MATTER WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE, HOW MUCH MONEY THEY HAVE, WHERE THEY SLEEP, WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH, WHO THEY LOVE, OR HOW THEY IDENTIFY. LORD LET YOUR JUSTICE ROLL DOWN LIKE A MIGHTY RUSHING RIVER AND DON’T LET IT STOP. LET YOUR JUSTICE LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD. LET YOUR JUSTICE CHANGE THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF US ALL. LET YOUR JUSTICE SHIFT THE NARRATIVE SO THAT PEOPLE IN THE MARGINS FEEL SAFE AND FREE AND LOVED AND NURTURED AND HEARD.

GOD LET YOUR KINGDOM COME IN POLICIES AND LAWS AND CONSEQUENCES AND HOW WE ENGAGE EACH OTHER AS IT IS IN HEAVEN AND GIVE US THIS DAY YOUR STRENGTH, POWER, COURAGE, HOPE, AND ASSURANCE AND FORGIVE US FOR TAKING SO LONG TO DO SOMETHING AND FORGIVE US FOR TURNING A BLIND EYE AND FORGIVE US FOR NOT LOSING SLEEP UNTIL JUSTICE IS DONE.

IN JESUS NAME. AMEN.