I always wanted a perfect score. As a child, teen, and young adult while in school at various academic levels and as an adult slam poet I never achieved perfect scores. Running a race and never winning the gold has been my history and I can't say at 39 years old that I'll ever run a race (physically, artistically, or academically) and be the top of the class or the winner overall. Sure finishing a race or challenge is important but no one shows up to a race, challenge, or project hoping to just finish - I want to win at least once! I have wanted to win and yet because I do not have the experience of winning on top there is this little mark in my mind that says 'You won't', 'You can't', or more pronounced this mark or voice or inclination says 'I'm not the one who is supposed to win'.
Over the last several days I've been leaning more toward God concerning the impact of living through some challenges and how there is still a chance that I can WIN! Two of those challenges were surviving molestation as a child and casual sexual experiences most of which I consented to. But there is this funny thing about consent, in that I can recall opportunities to engage sexually with people and I went along with their idea but I really was not an enthusiastic participant. But that's another post for another day.
Today, I want to talk about running races. Running races that you don't have the confidence to think you will win. Running races that appear to be too difficult. Running races that your mentor, God, trainer or leader believes you are perfectly capable of winning but you are not sure how to even start. Over the next 33 days (totaling 40 days) I am seeking God's perfect score for my mind, body, and soul! I am learning how to run the race of my entire life. I am learning how to win my mind, body, and soul back to the Lord. I am learning how to use self-control and the other parts of the Fruit of the Spirit in my everyday life. I am learning how to break generational strongholds, curses, and intentions set forth by the enemy of God. I am learning how to leave a legacy that is fruitful and multiplies!
40 days. 40 nights. I am seeking God for His 4.0. I want to be perfected not just on the outside but on the inside. Initially I thought I must fast and pray because Matthew 17:21 tells us that somethings ONLY come by fasting & prayer. And immediately I thought fasting; that means I need to abstain from food in part, or abstain from certain foods or activities! But then Isaiah 58 put me in my place concerning the kind of fast that God is pleased with or the kinds of fasts that God is not impressed by! Over the next several blog posts I'll be sharing more about how Psalm 118:17, Matthew 17:21 and Isaiah 58 are helping me get my WHOLE life!
Prayer for us. Lord God in heaven I pray that all of us that read this post will experience your total, complete, beautiful, amazing, bountiful, and perfect score! Help us to lean into you Lord when we are wrestling with dangerous, scary, confusing, or traumatic thoughts from our past. Help us to release every care to you so that we can live, worship, love, be, study, work, and be better stewards over every resource that you give us with your freedom! In Jesus name. Amen.
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