Afraid, broken, confused, silenced, triggered,
angry, and hopeless, but we look good though.
We are a people who at times paint the smile, color our hair, and add rouge to our cheeks all in the name of showing up & pretending to be well. Pretending to be better than we are. Selfies that look like we hired a professional photographer in the wee hours of the morning. Concealer concealing 98% of our wounds. We wear the mask so long that we have trouble differentiating what is real and what is our disguise.
Today, lots of people struggle with food insecurity but we still show up to the BBQ contributing a pan of macaroni and cheese, the condiments, and/or enough liquor to shut down the bar. We consider using our emergency fund to purchase new shoes to wear on our 4 day trip to Cuba. But we just peeled the gas shut off notice down from our front door. We experience loneliness and decide to alienate our loved ones because we are legitimately afraid to be authentic.
Our reflections in mirrors should be the easiest way to discern the truth; but we are just staring into glass and denying the power of that experience. What are we so scared of? I have been afraid that my vulnerability will be taken as a plea for pity. There have also been times when I decided not to share because other people thought I share too much
The truth is, we are all struggling with something and some of us have figured out ways to hide the scars. But the scars are part of our healing.
Our scars are part of what makes us beautiful,
and in a Christ-centered context our scars are the evidence of God’s consistent and intentional work in our lives.
Over the next several months I’ll be sharing some pieces of me on our page dedicated to creating awareness and dismantling shame connected to interpersonal violence. You can find these video diaries at Rise! <<<click here. These videos are not professionally produced or edited. Just me and my story. Sometimes i'll be working out in the videos, sometimes making dinner, some videos might be and a friend having a conversation about the journey to Rise! after trauma!
I am sharing my story in this way because:
1. I heard God say it was time to share my story in this way.
2. Our testimonies & Jesus' shed blood is what help us and others to overcome.
3. This Is My Story and I get to tell it in ways that make me feel empowered and loved.