no seat at the table
Have you ever shown up somewhere uninvited? Everyone else got the invite but you did not. In that moment you have three choices:
1. Go anyway
2. Mind your uninvited business
3. Stay your uninvited self home and anxiously wait for the Facebook live and follow the hashtag while you sulk!
Going anyway will probably be a disaster depending on the host(s) personality. If you go the hosts will be sure to look at you funky, may escort you out or they may just go with the flow. I doubt the latter, because we know who we want to party with and we have a pretty good idea who we don't want to mingle with.
Minding our business is our best option. Let me break it down straight, because when we don't get invited lots of ideas begin to surface that are responding to a ton of insecurities. Insecurities we have processed in therapy and prayer as well as other insecurities we didn't know existed.
No seat at the table literally means you were not invited. No seat does not mean you are not liked, not loved or not worthy of having a good time with others. I need you to repeat this outloud if you have to!
I am liked.
I am loved.
I am worthy of having a good time with others!
Considering all things, maybe the host could only invite a certain number of people. Actually, the host invited only the people they wanted to invite - and that's ok. It is also ok for you to desire to be at the gathering, party or meeting. But what is vital in this moment is three things:
1. Your having not been invited does not define who you are or what you're worth!
2. You will host a party or gathering and will intentionally leave people off of your invite list.
3. Don't get stuck here. Your value and purpose are not bound up in the next event invite. We got a big work (being the salt, being the life, being the love) to do - let's go!
We cannot and we should not be at every table we are invited to. Some tables will do us more harm than good if we sit at them. And being at every table would make us omnipresent and that ain't our ministry!
PROBLEM: We are creatures that desire connectivity.
SOLUTION: Whenever possible make room to connect with others at the tables you build. And work to be fully engaged and present at the tables, gatherings and parties that you are invited to.