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ride or die

Loyalty can be a difficult trait to find in relationships we cultivate. Some of u expect loyalty to show up in ways that are completely irrational, unreasonable, and unhealthy. Chiiiiile you can't be everybody's ride or die! Everyone can not nor do they need your total devotion. 

Draw some boundaries for you and your family. You are worthy of safety and wellness. You are worthy of rest and establishing priorities that end with you excelling.

Can I tell you a story? I used to date a guy who'd spent some time incarcerated. We met a few months after his release. He was cool. We were cool. He liked me - I could tell. He loved me - I could tell. But he did not respect me - I found out. 

I was the driver in the relationship, he was still 

re-establishing himself after his bid in prison. On one occasion while were out riding, he asked me to make a stop so he could connect with his cousin. His "cousin" was his drug connect I soon found out. His "cousin" came to the car, left and came back and all I see being placed into my then boyfriend's hand was something that ought not have been in my car! I was naive. I was not sure of myself. I wanted to be in a serious relationship and was willing to do a lot of compromising to secure the man. I didn't know how to co-create healthy relationships. 

Shortly after this incident I broke up with him. I was not willing to live in danger of being criminalized. I was not willing to compromise my values for the sake of goosebumps and being accompanied to movies and open mics. 

LADIES: We do not have to ride out into the sunset with everyone who will be kind to us. We do not have to separate ourselves from healthy communities just to spend all of our time with the guy that invests some of his in us. 

You are not meant to be everybody's ride or die. Define what that kind of loyalty is for yourself and discern what it takes to be present in relationships. If you are not sure check in with another sister who you continue to witness being her healthy self. We are wearing ourselves out attempting to be the most loyal to others and have not been loyal to ourselves. 

Photo Credit: Eye For Ebony

We don't have to wait until 2019 - Start today, show up as the ride or die in your own life. 

On this day be your own ride or die! 

Spend less, 

Sit longer, 

Extend grace, 

Forgive yourself, 

Eat or drink your greens, 

Take a walk, 

Take a nap,


Take a real lunch break,

Pay your bills,

Make your bed,



Book an appointment with a therapist


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